Almost everyone wants to be on TV in America. What does it take for you to be on TV and stay on TV with off the charts rating? We did a small, probably not relevant, however interesting finding on how to boost your news network’s ratings. Remember best ratings does not equal quality! You can’t measure truth! Can you? I don’t think so. You can measure ratings however.

1. Hire Bimbos for the anchor position

The idea is to hire attractive blond bimbos that will read and most importantly believe in whatever comes up on the teleprompter (or at least do as if). They don’t need to have college degree in journalism neither the skills for that matter. Acting is what you’re looking for and if they have a college degree in drama better yet. Another plausible option is make a fake resume for them.

2. Create a new type of Journalism

A new type of journalism called”NO-JOURNALISM” or “BRAINWASHING-JOURNALISM”. This should stay between the highest people of the network; in fact make it a top secret thing. Create your agenda for the week and make sure that every single show repeats this agenda over and over again. Your agenda mustn’t necessarily be truthful; it can be political or strictly commercial. Serve only one type of audience. It’s essential to never ever draw a line between actual news and opinion. The less truthful your network is in America, the more viewers you get. Exaggerate on every story you tell and make them interesting!

3. Create a sort of brotherhood for of anchors

Because of the “NO-JOURNALISM” subject, your anchors may be caught on your agenda lies. No matter what, they should deny the truth and defend their fellow anchors until the end of time. It’s the only way to retain credibility and your viewers will support you even more.

4. Promote yourself as the “Reasonable and Unbiased” network

Better yet, make that your slogan. You should know that people believe in what they see and hear on TV. Keep repeating your slogan every single day forever and you shall be known as such. Keep in mind to act the opposite of your slogan. Always be unjust and biased!

5. Tell your guests to shut up and cut off their microphones if they don’t.

Invite people your network doesn’t support and ask them their opinion about stuff. You must always disagree with them even if they’re right. It’s important! People like to see people fight on TV. Why do you think wrestling and boxing always has so many viewers? You can even throw in some name calling then as feeling “bad” give them a meaningless apology.
One very important thing is for the anchors to always be in control and when they’re not, they should tell people to shut up! If they don’t shut up, cut their microphones. Your viewers will look at the anchors as authoritative persons and will respect your network even more.
If an anchor believes cutting off the microphone is too extreme (women), cut it off anyways and blame it on technical difficulties.

6. The network must contain at least one crazy anchor.

People love crazy stuff! A Nazi fixated anchor should do the job. You should have an anchor that uses Nazi-Germany analogies frequently to the stuff your network doesn’t agree with.

7. Use fraudulent polls to reach your goals

Other networks do their own polls but who cares! Create all kinds of bias polls and portray them as scientific findings.

8. Take our country back from immigrants

Immigrants are taking over our country! To avoid this, you must study the weakness of the immigrant groups. They only have weaknesses for instance relate Muslims to terrorism, Mexicans with drug wars, blacks with violence, eastern Europeans with mob and so forth. The best strategy to attack these groups is to use one of their own to do whatever needs to be done.

The same country we took over from the Indians but that’s water under the bridge now. Let’s face it, the Indians live well in a special reservoir that contains no gambling, drugs and any kind trouble whatsoever plus they are very appreciative to the kindness we showed them after taking over their country.

9. Make a stupid irrelevant thing relevant

For instance Barack Obama was born in Kenya or Hawaii. But we don’t know that because we haven’t seen his birth certificate! This is actually irrelevant for him to do his job, but we need to put pressure on that because it makes more people think that he’s a Muslim.

10. Sign a non-disclosure contract with every single employee and interns

To protect your network, have all the employees sign a non-disclosure agreement. This way you’ll prevent that your devious ways to conduct business won’t find the light of day.

Note:

These are the things half of the country believe in and watch every day! The most disingenuous and biased cable news network in the world is FOX NEWS!! People are too dumb to realize who the network caters to in reality. It’s not the poor, nor the middle class, but exclusively the rich! To make it happen, they use the rest who will fall in their trap. So now you know what to do to start a cable news network with sky high ratings!

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